Thank all of you for your prayers, especially to my children, my Honey, my Pastors and church family, and to the Body of Christ wherever they are, and of course my birthday sisters! I have never in my life received so much love. I am talking about the kind of love that people are getting over to ME, not just have for me, but they are getting it over to me. Thank you.
I am now preparing to return to the hospital for additional surgery on June 10th, after the advice of my gyn doctor, my treating doctor who I have utmost confidence in as I have been seeing him since my mid 30's. My surgeon that I see monthly informed me that I need surgery, but it could wait. No rush! My treating doctor, who apparently carry more weight from my vantage point as he calls me often and give me instructions, he even calls me on the weekend inquiring about my well being. I appreciate sooooo much.
I remembered back in February 2008 I had some drainage, one specialist told me to immediately return to my surgeon and inform him. The surgeon had me to come in immediately, I begged and pleaded with him, please do not put me back in the hospital, I will do anything I can at home, but please no hospital stay. He was quiet, and said, okay, we will try this and things should improve and come back to see me monthly. Man, was I glad. I did as he instructed and even to now, no improvement. I felt like I did not want to not only go back to a hospital, I did not want to look in the direction of a hospital in my travels, I did not want to watch any hospital scenes on television, which they were my favorite stories. However, not anymore. After almost a four month stay in a hospital will sorta put a bitter taste in your mouth.
My treating physician called my surgeon to discuss my surgery, then he called me early one Saturday morning, he talked to me, afterward, he asked me did I understand, then he told me to proceed with the surgery within the next two to four months. About two months later I called my surgeon to inform him that the next visit would be to discuss future surgery and I would bring a guest, so he could plan his calendar accordingly.
My surgeon came into the room, examined me and did the usual 'stuff' and called in my goddaughter to talk about pending surgery. I continue to sat on the examining table and they sat in chairs. My surgeon acted like he wanted to talk me out of it, and had a grim expression on his face. We asked questions, and explained how serious the surgery was as my body had contacted a blood disease that only one person out of a million gets, and I was that one person. (actually my treating physician had told me this) but my surgeon said you have this clotting disorder, etc. and it's not an ordinary surgery, as we will have to have special material and I have got to find out what kind we will be using, and since you are on coumadin this presents new problems, and further your intestines are leaking...What! is that what this drainage is coming from, a leaking intestine?!?! "yes", was the response. We will fix that also. Now that caused concerns for me as I must have three feet of intestines to live, and I only have two addition feet of intestines and I personally didn't want those to be disturbed. As my oldest daughter puts it, stay way from my mom's intestines!!!!
Looking at the surgeon grim and apprehensive expression, I stood on the examine table and inform the doctor to cheer up, doctor, it shall be well, I am not going to die, it will be alright. At that point he said, all you have going for you is prayer and the fact that you are a tough lady. (From where I've come from that is more than enough). At that point my surgeon, cheered up and explained the surgery to me, and as we were leaving the room, he stated, I don't blame you for going ahead with the surgery. DUH?!?!
Every since this time I have asked people to pray for the surgeon and those assisting him as since that Saturday morning when my treating physician informed me to go ahead with the surgery, I sat on the side of my bed, had a little talk with Jesus, cried and talked and cried. When I finished I had total peace and have had total peace every since. I reminded God that I am his child, and he can do what he want with his own, I was not going to beg to live, and I wasn't going to have a death wish, whatever He wanted I was trusting Him. I always tell my children, when we say we are trusting God, that does not mean that God is going to do what I want him to do, but that God is free to do what he wants to do with me. I have a track record with God, and he can be trusted. He made me, and I know that he can fix me, but even if he doesn't, I know that he is able.
I am happy, as a matter of fact I am excited, to see what God does. At first I wanted to hurry and get it over with, but God spoke to me and said, don't be in a hurry, and no more am I rushing. As I have told many of you, either way I WIN, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If I live I am going to be bolder, aggressive and fierce in faith and if I go home to be with the Lord,as all of us have that appointment, I will dance on the sea of glass, and I will be ushered in and the Lord himself will wipe all my tears away, and God knows down thru the years I have cried. I am looking forward to either one. There is nothing on this earth that I must stay here for, nothing. Now in talking to my Lord, I did express to him what my wishes are, but he has the final word. I want to stay here with a good quality of life and see Joshua's children, and Tim's children, yes and even Debbie's children. I am enjoying my Honey so much, all the things I learn from him, and all the laughter we share, etc. even then I know that I will see him again as he is a man of faith and he also loves the Lord.
I even had the nerve to explain to God that I just retired, and I have worked so hard for over 40 years, during my adult life, but actually started to work at age nine to purchase items for school, etc. I really want to say it's not fair, as I want to enjoy my life, etc. Nevertheless, I don't belong to myself, I have no deals to make with God as if I stay I will serve him, if I go I am going to praise him.
I really am alright, I am not fearful, I am not apprehensive, I know this and I learned it when I was a child, Yes, Jesus loves me! When things had gotten real urgent in my life, I always went back to basic 'stuff', how basic can you get when you start singing those songs you were taught before you learned your ABC's.
When I recover, Lord's willing, I plan to continue the projects I have started, and live life more abundantly, sharing all the goodness of God, and when I finally leave this earth, I will go home to be with the Lord and live in the suburbs of heaven. As for me, I am looking forward to my children giving me a age 65 birthday party, as I have never had one in all the days of my life. The only big bang I ever had was my retirement party and everyone is still talking about that, and I am still singing those song, Ain't no stopping me now, and I'm coming out...I am also planning on dancing at my son's wedding on August 16th in Baltimore, Md.
Thank you, stay strong, stay focused, and enjoy the journey!!!!!
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