Saturday, January 26, 2008

Get Out the Boat!

Since November I have been to Chicago, Illinois, Baltimore, Maryland and Hennings Tennessee.  Each time I visit a state I came down with symptoms of the flu.  On one of those trips I became so ill all I could do is go from the bathroom to the bedroom.  When some of my friends heard about this, immediately they counseled me that I was doing too much, and I should just stay home.  As if I couldn't get sick even if I did stay at home.

Whereas I am very grateful for all that the Lord has done for me and still doing, I just can't live in a vacuum, or live with fear because something might happen to me.  Once when I had come home from the hospital, I was about to take a shower, a friend called and said, don't do nothing if you are alone in the house, not even take a shower because something might happen.  Well, that same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, dwells in us, what do we have to fear?  Also, the night I was rushed to the hospital, my sister and brother just happen to be here visiting.  I live alone and I am so grateful how God had my siblings in the right place at the right time, because God knows everything.  So whether I am here at home or abroad, I'm trusting God to take care of me.

I think of Peter how he walked on water at Jesus' command, but before Peter could walk on water, he had to get out the boat.

That is all I am doing, getting out the boat and trusting God for water walking faith.


Ernestine P. Stewart

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Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Sunday, January 13, 2008

"MY TURN" is becoming a Reality!

When I retired from Federal employment in October, 2005, my oldest daughter, Debbie, said the theme of my retirement would be, "MY TURN". Now what does that mean...after all this was a time in my life that I had waited for from the first day I started in December, 1965. As a matter of fact I came into the government (SSA) under Medicare Part A & B, and I went out on Part C And D. Now isn't that something?! Anyway, my daughter stated that I had been there for everyone but myself and now it was a time to ME so therefore, it was MY TURN!

After I had retired, I was driving down 8 Mile road in my brand new gift for my retirement, BMW, 325XI series, the car of my dream and my cell phone ranged, and who else was it but one of my children. "Ma, where are you?! We would rather that you go back to work, because at least we could find you then, now we can't find you!" After all, my child, you attended my retirement party and I believe the theme was - My TURN! "Yeah Right", came the retort. Yes, indeed it is my turn! I can go to bed when I please, get up when I please, and eat when and what I desire. What a life! At first I felt guilty with these undisciplined habits, then my Honey reminded me that I am retired, so take no guilt tickets. From then on, when guilt tried to get me because I chose to stay in bed all day and watch Lifetime, I stand firm and remind myself of all the times I went to work and didn't want to go to work, all the times I went to work sick and not feeling well because of a mean boss, etc. and I knew I needed my job for my health. The doctors said it was healthy for me to have a roof over my head, and food to eat, and clothes on my back.

Since I have been here in Tennessee a little over a week I can see that I am getting in the swing of taking care of ME and I am enjoying it. I am not rushing to get to the phone, not getting out of shower for knocks on the door, etc. just taking care of me as best I can, and being as patient as I can be with me. I also know in taking care of myself that I cannot afford a negative thought, at least not for very long, and that I am nobody trash can, if I can't lift another person up, then I can pray for them as that is what I would want someone to do for me.

When I left Michigan coming to Tennessee it was on my mind to be sure to see a former neighbor that lived across the street from my mother. As she had been ill for sometime and she felt well enough to send me a Thanksgivings card saying how both of us has so much to be thankful for. Dornetha Taylor,age 58, raised her siblings after her parents passed away and went on to become principal of the local high school. In addition to that she was my daughter's mentor. My mother treated her family as her own and always remembering them on special occasions, and if my mother did not see them she would call them, etc. We felt like a part of their family. When I would go to Tennessee and work for a few months to care for my mother Dornetha would loan me a warm sweater to wear on those cold days. She even made me the best potato pie I ever had. The last time I saw Dornetha was last year in February, when my Honey spoke at her church for Black History regarding Tuskegee Airmen. She did not look like herself and at that time she wanted to make me a pie. She passed away this week and I did not get an opportunity to see her, as when I called I was informed by her caregiver that she was ill and to call back. Now that I did not see her, I must not beat up myself but strive to be more timely in future events.

I had planned on seeing lots of people while here as I understand the church where I grew up, had me in their bulletin, but it will be a "one stop" occasion as the entire city of Covington will probably be at this funeral and since I plan on being there, they will see that I'm still alive, I could have been dead and gone, but God said live on...I'm so glad to be here!

My oldest sister has been a gracious hostess, as she is a wonderful cook and she insists on cooking daily and we race to do the dishes. She doesn't feel well herself, but she tries to take care of me. I appreciate it, but I prefer that we take care of each other. Being here in her home I actually feel like I am wanted. I don't like staying at people houses more than three days, but with my sister's warm hospitality I feel like I would like to come again. Of course when I get home this time, I plan on being there a while as I am more frail than I want to admit - this is a process of taking care of me!

Gotta go get ready to go to my oldest brother's house before they go to bed, as he is Pastor of a church in Memphis. He thinks he is some father figure to me (I guess) but I think he is a very nice, handsome man that is very kind and gentle. His wife is jealous of our relationship, but that's okay because this feud has been going on since I was about 8 years of age, so we laugh a lot about it, as she is an awesome woman herself.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Going Home

Well it's January 3rd and I got up after a phone call from my Honey who is a man that is not only ON TIME, but before time, that I might be ready to leave for airport at 7:30 a.m. I read my scriptures, prayed, ate breakfast and rushed to finish packing those last minute toiletries,etc. I was just about to walk out the door when I received a phone call on my cell asking me was I inside ill or what?! as my Honey was calling as he had been there for a while. (His clock is absolutely fast, but he says mine is slow). He was fussing (not discussing) but fussing, etc. I don't like to make him displeased in any way as I honor him too much; so we had a quiet ride to the airport.We arrived at the airport about 8:00 a.m. as plane was to leave at 9:12 as I was standing in line to get checked in, it came over the speaker "YOU MUST BE ON THE PLANE AT LEAST 20 MINUTES BEFORE PLANE IS SCHEDULED TO LEAVE OR YOU COULD FORFEIT YOUR SEAT." Well, it did not apply to me, so I moved as the line moved. I finally reached the Agent and they checked my bags in. I was scheduled to have assistance and Agent told me where to go for further instructions. When I went to that desk, the lady said, "No way can you make this flight, you are too late, so go schedule a later flight." In my heart I was saying, no way, can my Honey know about this, I've got to make this flight, please God, help me...again! I said again because once when I took Carletta to Oral Roberts University to register, I was on my way to the airport to return home, got lost and was on the wrong toll road, had to return rental car, etc. and a big truck tried to run me over and I prayed all the way asking God to hold up the plane so I could make my flight. I finally did everything I was suppose to do, got to the airport 20 minutes late (this was before 911), and when I got to the gate was informed that my plane would be 30 minutes late. Until this date, I still say that plane was held up for me. Well, once again, God, here I am, I need to get on this plane and you already know all the reasons why. The lady was yelling at me no way you will make it. In my heart it was coming to me, don't be discouraged, don't look at the water, but keep your eyes on Jesus and thank God for everything. That's exactly what I did. I did get back in the line and finally got to the front, was told by the Agent, you are not too late, etc. she called the gate and told them I was on my way, etc.

No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!

Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.

That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound. ",

No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound.

Today my oldest sister and I had breakfast together and we had good fellowship, as she is not feeling well so we take care of each other. My sister in law, Mary (Louis' wife) made me breakfast and we had a good time. (I think she is getting over the fact that I love my brother so very much and she is willing to share him). Of course we laugh about it.

Upon returning to Michigan I plan on being still for a while and just enjoy my Honey, and enjoy the present as I have been thinking that I can't enjoy the present if I am living in the past or the future. If I am dwelling there then I am not enjoying the present. I have so much to be grateful for, right here, right now. I've got to get busy living in the present as it is really a gift.

Saturday, January 5, 2008

My Christmas

Two weeks before Christmas I went to Chicago to visit Deborah, my oldest daughter, as I knew as her boss' assistant at Chicago Suntimes she would not be off for the Holiday. My friend, Karen Black went with me and we had a ball. We stayed at the Hyatt as I had stayed there before as it is not too far from downtown, at McCormick Place, and the scenery is so beautiful. We had a wonderful time, as it was the very first trip I have taken since being out the hospital. We went by train and it was delightful ride as we had all our good reading material which we shared with each other. Once arriving in Chicago we went shopping. Of course Karen could shop longer than myself as I became very tired but she made sure I was placed in a cab and I returned to the hotel. My nieces, daughter, siblings, and sister in law came by and brought food and we just enjoyed each other. I did not want to go out for Dinner as Deborah has gotten a few of her friends together for a delicious breakfast at Sweet Maples. We had a great time there and the food was out of this world.The birthday girls, Lodean Macklin, Diane Esper, Karen Black, and Annie Neal, and yours truly got together as we have not gotten together since all of us retired (except Diane). Lodean had remodeled her house and everything was absolutely beautiful. She served us like we were queens. We laughed, cried and prayed together. Later Jennifer came down and snapped photos of us, which we appreciate so much.
Lodean cook the entire six course meal with fine wine (which I had some over ice cream). We had wonderful Christmas music and we left before 9:30 because I had to leave the next morning going to Baltimore. This was the first trip I made alone. Tim met me at the gate with a wheelchair, rolled me to the car and it was absolutely great; except I did feel a little weird in a wheel chair. (Oh well)! While I was there I hardly lifted a finger as Tasha took me shopping, Naquawn was very nice to me and shared with me. Tim washed and ironed my clothes and packed my luggage. I really appreciate that he allowed me to move at my own pace, without any demands. Oh yes, they showered me with so many gifts.
Tasha family came over and it was wonderful seeing them again, and we had a lovely home cooked meal by Tasha and her family. Most everyone read my Christmas letter and said it was an inspiration and that was good as that was my intent. Such a loving, warm, down to earth family. I told them I would return in April. I returned home on Christmas Day and that night came down with a very bad cold, so I stayed in the house for a few days as I must prepare to go to Tennessee the following week.
My Honey and I shared Christmas gifts and everything I got him he either needed it or wanted it, and it was nothing he had to put together.( I love to see him smile so it gives me great joy to surprise him with his favorite book, music, game, gift certificate etc.) Since I could not go with him to Christmas dinner, he brought me food from Carol and Mark's house (his son) and we had enough food for two days. I just love my gift from my honey as it was an American Express credit card.