Wednesday, December 31, 2008
JOY TO THE WORLD!!!
Sorry this is late, but as you know my letters as is the recording on my voice mail is timeless.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
THANKSGIVINGS!!!
Sometimes when I am taking a shower, getting in and out the bathtub I am reminded of taking this act for granted prior to my being ill, now when I take a shower, I am so grateful that I can do it by myself, and can dress myself and drive where I need to go, and take care of personal matters. Often when people ask me how I am doing, I am so happy to be alive that even when I can hardly stand up, or barely move, my response is, I'm getting better everyday. I was thinking of this week, all the times I felt like I was going to pass out while driving, or fall down when walking, knowing if I stopped trying to do these things or if I allowed my feelings get in the way, I would stop and never get started again...so I press! There is a blessing in the pressing!!! I thought those were normal feelings, but now, I mean this day I can actually say, I am getting better everyday, as I no longer have those bad feelings of about to pass out, etc. For this I am grateful. I often say, you don't have to do anything to die, but you do have to have a passion for life to live. I am living life to it's fullest.
I spent Thanksgivings day with my son, Timothy and his wife Tasha in Baltimore. I had a great time. I see so much growth in this family as they are striving to mold their lives together into one. I appreciate NaQuawn for all the wonderful things he did for me and his kindness and politeness. I mention this because it appears young people are getting away from respecting older ones and when I receive it, I appreciate it so much. Not that I desire it, but because it is good for youth. In many instances when I am going into the market or gas station, when men stop, open the door for me, and sometimes they wait until I get there, I never hesitate to let them know, I appreciate what you did. On Sunday after church I went to the gas station and a young man that had walked to the station, looking cold, held the door open for me, and allowed me to go first in the line. I thanked him again, paid for his coffee, and asked the attendant to give the change to the gentleman and told him I wanted him to know that Jesus loved him. He thanked me. Others at the station observing thought that was so nice of me and we laughed and stated, it's nice to be nice. As I was pulling away from the station the attendant ran out and gave me a receipt for a free cup of coffee.
I am also grateful for Juakemo, Carletta and Joshua that they live so close and they make themselves available when necessary. However, I strive not to be a burden on anyone. I love the relationship Carletta and I have, iron sharpens iron, and I am not too old to learn from the young, even Joshua. I observe him and he makes me laugh at some of the decisions he makes and I fall for his okey/dokey all the time. I guess that is what Grammy's are suppose to do. I appreciate Juakemo some of the things he deposits into my life to make my life easier. His methods works when I apply them. Juakemo and DuBois gives me great suggestions to put into place things I want and need to do. I appreciate the time and energy they invest in me.
I am extremely grateful for the love and attention I receives from Debbie as she calls daily and shares with me her pursuit for future employment and how she is maintaining. She definitely has a plan and when I remind her to trust God and pray, she says that she will. I can tell that she is, because she has very few complaints and for that I am grateful. All mothers want and need to know that their children can do well even if they are not present.
I plan on spending Christmas day with the Griffins here in Michigan, and leaving immediately to spend some time in Chicago with Debbie. (I just love being retired)! I am also very grateful for friends and love ones, whether we talk often or I just see you at the credit union or grocery store, or by email, I am so thankful for the exchanges we have. Since this year has been full of politics, and all of us don't agree on the same things, but we respect each other.
Most of all I am so thankful for us electing the first President who happens to be black. I never thought I would see this, even though I taught my children they there were a promise, they were a possibility and they could be anything they wanted to be. Even when I was teaching that, I was thinking in my heart, except President of the United States of America...until now. I shared with my Mother in Zion, that now our sons are equal. For the first time in the history of my life, I can say I am proud to be an American. One day someone asked Barbara Jordan what did blacks want, and she said, we want the American dream. Barbara is gone now, but I want to let Barbara know we are in the process of receiving the American dream as it says in the constitution, we hold these truths to be self evidence that all men are created equally...is a reality. President elect Obama is not the president of black people, but he is the President of the United States of America.
I heard Dr. Dobson say on his radio program, "I hope the president elect knows what he has gotten himself into..." My heart goes out to him, as that sound so demeaning.
For these and so many other blessings I am indeed thankful and grateful!!!!
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Don't Drink the Kool Aid!@!
It was later discovered that Jim Jones was a very ill man, and they found him with a self inflicted wound, he didn't even drink his own kool aid. Therefore we don't want to get involved in any kind of group mentality, as all of us were taught in our youth never follow the crowd, you have a brain so use your own brain, as there is no substitute for your own intelligent thinking in processing a matter.
Yes, indeed, I encourage you from the bottom of my heart, Don't drink the kool aid by listening to all these polls. I remembered during the primary it was a clear thing that certain people were going to win, did they win? no they did not. However, if we had listened only to the polls, they were very discouraging and even now we don't want to think that it won't matter as according to the polls whoever is going to win has already won. Why should I go stand in long lines, on a cold day for nothing? Your vote count, just as your opinion, it's an opportunity to express yourself from deep within.
Now that we are in the final stretch for the CEO of the United States of America, also known as the Presidency. All of us have an idea of who we want to win, especially the ones that are conducting these polls, and the ones that are taking the polls. No poll fully represents me, as a matter of fact, no one even contacted me to participate in a poll.
I am fully persuaded that polls represents the persons that are giving the poll and according to their outcome desire to use those polls to influence you and me. Well, I do not need to hear another poll, and it appears more polls are coming out daily, I have already voted. Thusly, I encourage you to remember that polls don't vote, people do. Just be sure to take your soul to the poll and then you will have exercised and participated in the democratic process.
No matter who wins the election, let us respect other people opinion, all of have been wrong before, so we all have opinions and know this that is all that it is, our opinion, so let us rise to the occasion to act like real, true, strong Americans and support whoever wins the election, because that is who we are. So what Obama is handsome, and black, so what McCain was a POW and looks like howdy doody step brother, and as has about as much enthusiasm as a file cabinet. So what!!! You have your opinion and I have mine, take your soul to the pole and vote for the candidate of your choice.
No matter who wins, people will still have their opinions, racism will still be alive, the country is in bad financial straits, things will still become worse before they get better, but remember this to put your trust in God, according to Psalms 18:2 The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; by buckler and the horn of my salvation, my high tower. When voting be sober, be vigilant...
Don't Drink the Kool Aid, and take YOUR soul to the pole...VOTE!!!!
Monday, September 22, 2008
HEART ATTACK!!!
I have lots of opportunities to ride and listen to many radio stations as I go to doctor appointments, grocery shopping, classes, etc. and I am just returning from getting my coumadin level check, which I am expecting a good report from my doctor when he calls. Conversely, while driving alone listening to the hype on the radio, and believe it or not, every body can present convincing evidence of whatever they are representing. No matter if its about the future election or about the hard times we are currently facing.
Today, I heard on the radio that it is almost as worse as it was in 1929, when people were jumping out of windows because they had lost all their homes and savings, etc. Then I received a call from my financial advisor and she states "it's crazy out here, I am so busy and I am so glad that I put your money in low risk mutual funds". Additional, my Homeopathic doctor informed me today that I should rush to my family doctor because I was bleeding inside and I needed a scope, on and on she continued, as she talked I was thinking, now she is saying all this stuff to me, about me, and if I wasn't prepared, I could have been very fearful, etc. I listened, then she said to me, are you going to call your doctor, I clearly stated, "No, I am going to wait until my usually Homeopathic doctor returns from vacation, and until then I will wait. She insisted, and I wanted her to know that everything she said I totally disagreed with her, and felt it from gut level and gave her the benefit of the doubt for her disclaimer and would not hold her responsible. I then decided to think what was going on, what had I eaten/dranked to cause the symptoms I was experiencing. Later it came to me that I had dranked prune juice. I am so glad that I did not panic. (I could have had a heart attack just listening to her).
As I received phone calls from relatives, could you help me find a job, could you help buy major appliances or do you have a place for someone in need to live with you? Everyone has a need, not just a desire, a NEED.
I learned a long time ago, and it liberated me, I am NOT God. When I heard that in my heart, I started to smile, and laugh, repeating, that's right, I am not GOD!!! It was so refreshing to surrender that title, as obviously I must have thought that I was, as I was attempting to meet the needs of so many.
I cannot be all things to all people, and at this junction in my life, I will do well to take care of myself, and that is what I am attempting to do. After all for retirement my oldest child chose the theme, "My Turn." I finally get it Debbie, it is MY TURN and I am taking that turn, by learning to take care of MYSELF for the first time in my life. After all the bible says we are to love our neighbors as our ourselves, now if we are not loving ourselves how can we love our neighbors?
I said all of that to say this, in Luke 21:26 Men hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. I know this passage is talking about the return of the Lord, but the scripture is appropriate as I can see how FEAR is grabbing so many of us, to make haste, unwise decisions, and causing us to be selfish, holding on too tight to money, not giving to Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, nor to God that which belong to him; getting into relationships just so you won't be alone, and staying in toxic relations that depletes your self esteem, just to say, I am in a relationship.
I just stopped to tell you that fear is not of God, let us approach the future in prayer and have faith in God. What we see is nothing to God, as he has all control. Our Heavenly Father knows where we are, and he is not bankrupt, He has no shortages, He is not afraid of the future, and he is not afraid of watching the news, our Heavenly Father is rich, and He knows what we have need of, but he want us to ask HIM. If we say unto the mountain be thy removed and be thy cast into the yonder sea and shall not doubt in our hearts we shall have what we ask. Go ahead and ASK your Heavenly Father.
My Mom stayed home while my dad went out to provide for the household. We had very little, and my mother would take in ironing and washing for other people, besides washing and ironing for her own family (12 siblings). She took in this service, and she did it with a smile and she would make quilts from scratch, like taking old scraps from material sewing them together to make a quilt and when someone purchased one she would only charge $20.00. She would make quilts for her own household and made about two a year, at most three. She would get up early, and stay up late at night and was up before all of us, to get breakfast on the table and make sure we looked nice and crisp to go to school. Therefore she had very little money, but when we needed something, somehow, I really don't know how, but we never went without. Our needs were met. All I know she would sing a lot, smile a lot, and work a lot. (Maybe she was the REAL Prov 31 woman, who knows)!!!!
Now that I am older I know my mother had to trust and believe in God as she only received 50 to 75 cents for the washing and ironing. All I knew as a child that how she got what I needed was none of my business, I asked and I knew if there was any way on God's green earth she could provide what we needed, she would. How much more so would our Heavenly Father? Wow, this is such a comforting thought for me to know that I don't have to be afraid of all the bad things that I hear happening, and that I don't have to be controlled by fear as I can walk and move in the faith that God has brought me this far, and I know he has not brought me thru disappointments, rain, flood, storms of life, for me to get drowned in a pond. Have your way with me God, for you are the potter and I am the clay, mold me, make me...I am your' child and you are my Heavenly Father.
Let us approach the future with faith in God, and that way we will be assured a bright and glorious future.
Today, I heard on the radio that it is almost as worse as it was in 1929, when people were jumping out of windows because they had lost all their homes and savings, etc. Then I received a call from my financial advisor and she states "it's crazy out here, I am so busy and I am so glad that I put your money in low risk mutual funds". Additional, my Homeopathic doctor informed me today that I should rush to my family doctor because I was bleeding inside and I needed a scope, on and on she continued, as she talked I was thinking, now she is saying all this stuff to me, about me, and if I wasn't prepared, I could have been very fearful, etc. I listened, then she said to me, are you going to call your doctor, I clearly stated, "No, I am going to wait until my usually Homeopathic doctor returns from vacation, and until then I will wait. She insisted, and I wanted her to know that everything she said I totally disagreed with her, and felt it from gut level and gave her the benefit of the doubt for her disclaimer and would not hold her responsible. I then decided to think what was going on, what had I eaten/dranked to cause the symptoms I was experiencing. Later it came to me that I had dranked prune juice. I am so glad that I did not panic. (I could have had a heart attack just listening to her).
As I received phone calls from relatives, could you help me find a job, could you help buy major appliances or do you have a place for someone in need to live with you? Everyone has a need, not just a desire, a NEED.
I learned a long time ago, and it liberated me, I am NOT God. When I heard that in my heart, I started to smile, and laugh, repeating, that's right, I am not GOD!!! It was so refreshing to surrender that title, as obviously I must have thought that I was, as I was attempting to meet the needs of so many.
I cannot be all things to all people, and at this junction in my life, I will do well to take care of myself, and that is what I am attempting to do. After all for retirement my oldest child chose the theme, "My Turn." I finally get it Debbie, it is MY TURN and I am taking that turn, by learning to take care of MYSELF for the first time in my life. After all the bible says we are to love our neighbors as our ourselves, now if we are not loving ourselves how can we love our neighbors?
I said all of that to say this, in Luke 21:26 Men hearts failing them for fear, and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth: for the powers of heaven shall be shaken. I know this passage is talking about the return of the Lord, but the scripture is appropriate as I can see how FEAR is grabbing so many of us, to make haste, unwise decisions, and causing us to be selfish, holding on too tight to money, not giving to Caesar that which belongs to Caesar, nor to God that which belong to him; getting into relationships just so you won't be alone, and staying in toxic relations that depletes your self esteem, just to say, I am in a relationship.
I just stopped to tell you that fear is not of God, let us approach the future in prayer and have faith in God. What we see is nothing to God, as he has all control. Our Heavenly Father knows where we are, and he is not bankrupt, He has no shortages, He is not afraid of the future, and he is not afraid of watching the news, our Heavenly Father is rich, and He knows what we have need of, but he want us to ask HIM. If we say unto the mountain be thy removed and be thy cast into the yonder sea and shall not doubt in our hearts we shall have what we ask. Go ahead and ASK your Heavenly Father.
My Mom stayed home while my dad went out to provide for the household. We had very little, and my mother would take in ironing and washing for other people, besides washing and ironing for her own family (12 siblings). She took in this service, and she did it with a smile and she would make quilts from scratch, like taking old scraps from material sewing them together to make a quilt and when someone purchased one she would only charge $20.00. She would make quilts for her own household and made about two a year, at most three. She would get up early, and stay up late at night and was up before all of us, to get breakfast on the table and make sure we looked nice and crisp to go to school. Therefore she had very little money, but when we needed something, somehow, I really don't know how, but we never went without. Our needs were met. All I know she would sing a lot, smile a lot, and work a lot. (Maybe she was the REAL Prov 31 woman, who knows)!!!!
Now that I am older I know my mother had to trust and believe in God as she only received 50 to 75 cents for the washing and ironing. All I knew as a child that how she got what I needed was none of my business, I asked and I knew if there was any way on God's green earth she could provide what we needed, she would. How much more so would our Heavenly Father? Wow, this is such a comforting thought for me to know that I don't have to be afraid of all the bad things that I hear happening, and that I don't have to be controlled by fear as I can walk and move in the faith that God has brought me this far, and I know he has not brought me thru disappointments, rain, flood, storms of life, for me to get drowned in a pond. Have your way with me God, for you are the potter and I am the clay, mold me, make me...I am your' child and you are my Heavenly Father.
Let us approach the future with faith in God, and that way we will be assured a bright and glorious future.
Sunday, September 7, 2008
STOP THE WORLD - I Want To Get Off!!!
First of all, you may ask, why are you so interested in what is going on with the City of Detroit, you don't live there? Well, besides the fact that I have lots of friends and relatives that live there, I am concerned for them, but I am vested in the city in that portions of my livelihood comes from the city and up to this year was a home owner. Speaking of being a home owner, how many times have I had to go downtown to pay fees for things that was not my responsibility and had nothing to do with me. When I showed up in court with photos was proven that even by the Judge's mouth that fair is fair, no way could you say the violations were connected to my rental property.(Thanks to shows like Judge Mathis). The case was thrown out, but look at the expense I had to go thru to have to show up in court. Then there were times when I did not feel like fighting or unable to go to court, just paid the fine. How many other senior citizens are caught up in this and other situation, who don't know how to fight or doesn't have the strength.
I was known in my youth, if you see a good fight, jump in. Which bring me to the vice-president elect, a woman who I admire, and respect and brings out the unregenerate Ernestine in me. Yes indeed, she is the woman I would have been...... B.C. It is something in her voice that makes me want to stop cooking, eating lunch and just listen. There is something in the things she says that want to say, you go girl! Yes, indeed, she is who I would have become, BUT God...
All of this happened in this past week, and I am so grateful to report that I feel like going on and continuing the journey that I am on...I am not throwing in the towel, not quitting, not giving up, and not becoming so stressed that I can't function. Thank God for an off/on switch to the television!
Even before the week is over I see this charismatic, articulate, charming young mayor, who is the age of my oldest daughter, with great opportunity to be everything he spoke; yet when told he had to give a confession for his plea deal, stood up and stumbled over the words he read. While on his way to jail, stating Detroit has set him up for a comeback. Then in addition to that gave the former Mayor of Detroit a back hand slap, and downright tore down bridges he and the Governor had built down thru the years. Blaming others and assuming no responsibility for any of his actions. Now was this arrogance or ignorance?! Someone said, ignorance, when voluntary, is criminal. Also, another said, there is no more terrible sight than ignorance in action.
Just with these activities in this week, not talking about any of the people that are affected by the choices of leaders and future leaders, and the personal problems of friends and love ones that are right in your circle, and your own personal challenges on a daily basis, it's enough to make a girl want to lose her mind, as Dolly Parton said in 9 to 5. There were time I almost wanted to scream, STOP THE WORLD - I WANT TO GET OFF!
In spite of all of this we must assume responsibility for our well being or the lack thereof. We must realize that when we make a choice, we don't have to fail, because we can make another choice. The following is something I received from a plaque on my homeopathic's wall which I have used this week to help me to stay focused, and balanced and I want to share it with you.
Never lie, cheat or steal, always strike a fair deal. Open your eyes and see things as they really are, practice make perfect. Quitters never win and winners never quit in improving yourself. Read, study and learn about everything important in your life - Stop Procrastinating! Take control of your own destiny, understand yourself in order to better understand others. Visualize it, want it more than anything, Xcellerate your efforts.
You and I are unique of all God's creations, nothing can replace YOU or I. Zero in on your target and go for it! Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Believe in yourself, consider things from every angle, don't give up and don't give in. Enjoy life today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never come. All we have is today, cash on hand, and tomorrow is a promissory note and yesterday is a canceled check.
Family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches. Give more than you planned to, hang on to your dreams. Ignore those that try to discourage you. JUST DO IT!!! Keep trying no matter how hard it seems, it will get easier, love yourself first and most. Make it Happen.
Now to all of you that says this is new age, who knows, it is not my intent, you judge. It was good to me, and I KNOW who I am, most of all whose I am. These are my opinons, and I'm sticking to them, what's yours?
Finally, everyone is coining the phrase, God Bless America, don't you think it's time for America to Bless God?!?!
Friday, August 8, 2008
MISUNDERSTOOD!?!?!
Have you ever been misunderstood? Then you are not alone, as Jesus himself was misunderstood (Mark 3). When Jesus returned to his hometown, went into the synagogue and as all of us know on the Sabbath day the Jewish culture gathers in the synagogue for worship. Well, when Jesus saw the man with a withered hand he asked him to stand up in front of everyone. Tthe Pharisees which were very religious, and educated, and could probably quote the scriptures back and forth, and probably could give you chapter and verse of each scripture they recited. When they saw Jesus, as they knew him from growing up, no doubt they looked at him in a very suspicious manner as they had probably heard about all the wonderful things he was now doing, now that he is an adult. Yet, in their hearts they saw him as a youngster. He is in the synagogue with all the older men and women that had watched him grow up, and he is going to ask someone to stand up, and violate the Sabbath and heal this man on the Sabbath?!? Jesus was very much misunderstood because he was Lord of the Sabbath, and it is always good to do good on the Sabbath. Not only was this man healed but as the word traveled more and more were coming to see Jesus, bringing their sick love ones. Well, these older people and religious leaders thought Jesus had absolutely lost his ever loving mind, the nerve of him, who does he think he is anyway?! They were jealous, envious, and they had a head knowledge of God but not the spirit of God. Jesus was misunderstood. Jesus only purpose was to come to the earth to do the will of his Father, and did not come with his own agenda.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "to be great is to be misunderstood," You may think, if that's true, you are greater than you thought. I too have been misunderstood, as years ago before I moved to Southfield, I was unemployed, had a sick husband, and three small children. I would take my children to school, and while doing this I observed so many children going to school with their hair not combed, walking home alone, and just looked down right sad. One day my oldest daughter, Debbie, asked me if one of her friend's could come over after school, they were having half day, and Kim did not want to go home and stay all by herself. Kim lived with her sister as her parents were deceased, and Debbie and Kim were about seven years of age, I was happy to have Kim over to play with Debbie as Carletta and Tim were babies.
Kim was no trouble at all, and I pondered in my heart and mind that when her sister came by to pick up Kim, as they lived on the next street I would see if I could help her, so I offered to allow Kim to come over after school, so she would not have to be in the house by herself and whatever I gave Debbie for a snack, Kim was welcomed. Well, Kim's sister looked at me so strange, stating she has never ever heard of anyone being that kind, and nice, and she wondered what did I want from her. She said she had never seen anything like this in all the days of her life and she thought I had an ulterior motive. My only motive was that I wanted to help, I was home with my children and one more would not make a difference. She never came back. I asked Debbie why, and she said Kim told her that her sister did not want her to work at my house, so she couldn't come back. The most Kim did was wash the plate she ate her snack. Oh well!!!!!
Now that was many, many years ago, but recently I was misunderstood when I wrote my blog last month speaking of my birthday, I received a few emails stating that my daughters were wonderful people too, not just my son. However, I explained to them that the blog was about my birthday and what I did on my birthday. However, I thought it was creative that my son surprised me and told me I had a package at the airport and the package was himself. I had to tell at least about four people that I was talking about my birthday not my children. I asked my children not to give me gifts this year because I wanted them to save all their money for next year. My daughters asked to buy me gifts, and I said no. Someone even said, they felt sorry for my daughters. My oldest daughter called me the same day she read the blog and said, yeah, that's your baby boy and she laughed.
I know I will be misunderstood, even though my motive and intent is pure, but that's a part of life, however, I never intend to offend. However, I know there are times when I will offend and not intend. I will have to accept it, acknowledge my "stuff", because I can't fix that which I don't acknowledge and grow thru the experience.
If you are misunderstood, take heart, you are not alone, hopefully you'll find comfort as you realize you're not the only person to face this challenge. I know that when misunderstanding take place, it sometimes attacks our character and that hurts...deeply. Further, Jesus was human just like we are, he endured, therefore, so can we, I know I can. I refuse to allow my life to be consumed by the acid of resentment and crippled by the misery of bitterness.
We can get thru being misunderstood with God's help and we can grow from the experience. Since being great is to be misunderstood, then to be greater is to forgive the one who misunderstood. Which one do you want to become?!
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "to be great is to be misunderstood," You may think, if that's true, you are greater than you thought. I too have been misunderstood, as years ago before I moved to Southfield, I was unemployed, had a sick husband, and three small children. I would take my children to school, and while doing this I observed so many children going to school with their hair not combed, walking home alone, and just looked down right sad. One day my oldest daughter, Debbie, asked me if one of her friend's could come over after school, they were having half day, and Kim did not want to go home and stay all by herself. Kim lived with her sister as her parents were deceased, and Debbie and Kim were about seven years of age, I was happy to have Kim over to play with Debbie as Carletta and Tim were babies.
Kim was no trouble at all, and I pondered in my heart and mind that when her sister came by to pick up Kim, as they lived on the next street I would see if I could help her, so I offered to allow Kim to come over after school, so she would not have to be in the house by herself and whatever I gave Debbie for a snack, Kim was welcomed. Well, Kim's sister looked at me so strange, stating she has never ever heard of anyone being that kind, and nice, and she wondered what did I want from her. She said she had never seen anything like this in all the days of her life and she thought I had an ulterior motive. My only motive was that I wanted to help, I was home with my children and one more would not make a difference. She never came back. I asked Debbie why, and she said Kim told her that her sister did not want her to work at my house, so she couldn't come back. The most Kim did was wash the plate she ate her snack. Oh well!!!!!
Now that was many, many years ago, but recently I was misunderstood when I wrote my blog last month speaking of my birthday, I received a few emails stating that my daughters were wonderful people too, not just my son. However, I explained to them that the blog was about my birthday and what I did on my birthday. However, I thought it was creative that my son surprised me and told me I had a package at the airport and the package was himself. I had to tell at least about four people that I was talking about my birthday not my children. I asked my children not to give me gifts this year because I wanted them to save all their money for next year. My daughters asked to buy me gifts, and I said no. Someone even said, they felt sorry for my daughters. My oldest daughter called me the same day she read the blog and said, yeah, that's your baby boy and she laughed.
I know I will be misunderstood, even though my motive and intent is pure, but that's a part of life, however, I never intend to offend. However, I know there are times when I will offend and not intend. I will have to accept it, acknowledge my "stuff", because I can't fix that which I don't acknowledge and grow thru the experience.
If you are misunderstood, take heart, you are not alone, hopefully you'll find comfort as you realize you're not the only person to face this challenge. I know that when misunderstanding take place, it sometimes attacks our character and that hurts...deeply. Further, Jesus was human just like we are, he endured, therefore, so can we, I know I can. I refuse to allow my life to be consumed by the acid of resentment and crippled by the misery of bitterness.
We can get thru being misunderstood with God's help and we can grow from the experience. Since being great is to be misunderstood, then to be greater is to forgive the one who misunderstood. Which one do you want to become?!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY - indeed!!!!
We went shopping, he saw things in my house that could make things more pleasant and comfortable for me, so he did it, he took me shopping, we went to visit Carletta, and went shopping again, then went to lunch. Now it was time for me to take a nap, while I took my nap, he took care of things around the house. We had dinner together and just had an overall good time. Early Saturday a.m. he had to head back to the airport as he owns his own business as well as work for the government and had things to do, and people to see, etc. I am so glad that he is working hard while he is young, so when he gets my age, he can sit back and retire. Although, he states he plans to retire within five years. Who knows! (He just called stating, he and I will write a book re: stinking thinking).
Yes, I had an awesome birthday, not only for the fact of being in the land of the living, especially after thinking how my doctors thought I would not make it thru the surgery. The Pastors of my church prayed for me, and they agreed with me in prayer that it shall be well. On the day of my surgery I told the doctor no matter what to read and do 1 Chr. 16:34. I had a confirmation in my heart that everything was alright, whether here or in eternity, and it was alright with me!
I received lots and lots of birthday cards and telephone calls. I definitely plan on my children giving me a 65th party next year, we will start planning that in September, 2008. My birthday sisters from SSA, which all are retired but one, are expecting to celebrate one of our sister's milestone, so don't know what we will do, but it will be different. That's just the way we do things. We have had spa parties, boat rides, dinner out at varied restaurants, etc. However, when we celebrate milestones, we do it up big, we shall see what we shall see. When we get together, we just have an awesome time, like one year we went to one of the sister's houses in Northville, and another year we went to another sister's house in Detroit, and we ate out of real crystal and china. WOW!!!!
I told my doctor before my surgery this last time that he could do what he needed to do, but I had to be out the hospital on my birthday, and I had to be well enough to dance at my son's wedding August 16th. He said, My, oh my, you sure have lots to do, don't you?"
I am so grateful to be alive, and I know that there is something else for me to do, and everyone seem to think it should be a book on my life story. My Honey, DuBois, says I should write, and I could include in my story how it has changed my life to date an original Tuskegee Airman, well one thing, is that makes me happy is, he was a man before he became a Tuskegee Airman. Anyway, he has given me permission to tell my story. I have been interviewed by television, newspapers and radio personality, and I have told them as it is, so it will be easy to write about this. It's going to be a joy to share how he has helped me to recover from my illness, by giving me a will to live, and assisting in any way he can in my recovery, i.e. when I almost fell out the bed, he came and lifted me right back into the bed. (Just like superman would probably do)
Bless his heart! What a man, what a man!I have gone to many events with him and at some of these events I learned that people will purchase ANYTHING that has to do with the original Tuskegee Airmen, but I wouldn't want to write for profit, but to leave a legacy, so we will see what we shall see.
Thanks to all of you that sent cards, money, german chocolate cake, watermelon, gift cards, american express cards, etc. I love you and appreciate all of you, and hope all of you will come to my 65th birthday party in 2009. I know a good" time will be had by all, and NOBODY will leave the way they came. If you thought my retirement was 'off the hook' (as many has said) this one will be out of sight. WATCH!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Yet Will Trust In Him...
While I was in the hospital, sicker than I ever remembers, as last year hospitalization, I do not remember most of it. I know this one thing for sure after going thru this surgery, that God's word is true, and it will work not only for me, but works for whosoever believes that it will work for them. Lots of people says I have great faith, yet, I have nothing that anyone else cannot have. Yes, not only can you have what I have, but you can have more, however, I will assure you that you must first believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins, and raised for your justification, and is sitting on the right hand of the Father making intercessions for you and me right now, and you must believe that not only he is, but he is a rewarder of those that diligently seek him. Diligently seeking consists of not seeking him when trouble strike, but seek him in good times, seek him in bad times, seek him when it's raining and storming in your life, and seek him when the sun is shining in our lives. It is the rain that makes us appreciate the sunshine.
I also know this, that it is God's will that we know Him in the power of of His resurrection and in the fellowship of his sufferings. Man, during this hospitalization I saw that clearer than ever. Sometimes people feel when crisis comes it's because of disobedience, check your spirit and talk to God about that and he will tell you, but I do not believe from my heart of heart that my Heavenly Father would use such debilitating things as illness to get my attention, unless, that is the only way that he can get my attention. Our Heavenly Father loves us so much, that while we were yet in our sins, with no way out but by his son, Jesus, he sent his only son to die for us, to buy us back that we might have eternal life. God would that we have life, and not only life but an abundant life. I encourage any of you that may read this, if God is speaking to you, obey him no matter what, and when we do, we will know that he will never use a bed of affliction to reprove, or correct us. He speaks to us in a soft, gentle, kind voice.
As for my illness, as some asked me, while I was coming out of semi comatose state, have you asked God what have you done to bring this on yourself? I thought about Job, but I was able to tell them that this sickness was not unto death, but for the Kingdom of Heaven's sake and I would rise again, and would rise with more authority, anointing, and power than I had before, because these months and months that I experienced more pain than I have ever endured in my life time, yet while in pain, I knew that Jesus was with me, because He said he would never leave me nor forsake me. I assure you that I would have fainted unless I believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living. I would have given up hope unless I knew God was with me. Because the Lord was with me gave me Hope, to live. You have to work hard to live, but you can give up and die. Since I have been out of the hospital since last Friday, I have tried to go walking a half block and every day thereafter would add a little more. It was extremely difficult at first, so today I got up early, and for the first time made my breakfast and went for a walk, forcing myself to do a little more, and I walked around the block. Yes, it takes effort to live, but you can do nothing and die.
Yes, God is real, and yes, Christians do suffer in these temporal bodies, and you will experience crisis and disappointments as a Born Again Christian, as it rains on the just as well as the unjust. However, I would rather go thru with Jesus than to be without him no matter what the trial is. Having obtained help from God, Honestly, I continue to this day - That's for sure!!!!!
I almost forgot to mention, that I met some of the most wonderful people while in the hospital and we are staying in touch. When I went back into hospital last Monday night, the thought came to me, that I was going back to share with someone, so when I entered the room, I looked in the next bed, and my daughter, Carletta, whispered to me, without knowing what the Lord had already said, she said, "go ahead and do what God wants you to do while you are here, so you don't have to come back." I looked at her and laughed in serous discomfort, and said, yeah, you are right!!!
All the pain and discomfort I experienced was worth meeting, Ms. Lucille, Cora , Katherine, Irene, Sally, and the other roommate I had that was fascinated with DuBois being an original Tuskegee Airman. Also, the medical staff and it's support team which thought that I was the nicest patient they ever met, as they said I came out of surgery thanking everyone for being so kind. They said they have never experienced that before, and they said no matter what, I was always smiling. Now that's news to me, as I did not even know I was smiling..
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Whose Report will You Believe?!
Thank all of you for your prayers, especially to my children, my Honey, my Pastors and church family, and to the Body of Christ wherever they are, and of course my birthday sisters! I have never in my life received so much love. I am talking about the kind of love that people are getting over to ME, not just have for me, but they are getting it over to me. Thank you.
I am now preparing to return to the hospital for additional surgery on June 10th, after the advice of my gyn doctor, my treating doctor who I have utmost confidence in as I have been seeing him since my mid 30's. My surgeon that I see monthly informed me that I need surgery, but it could wait. No rush! My treating doctor, who apparently carry more weight from my vantage point as he calls me often and give me instructions, he even calls me on the weekend inquiring about my well being. I appreciate sooooo much.
I remembered back in February 2008 I had some drainage, one specialist told me to immediately return to my surgeon and inform him. The surgeon had me to come in immediately, I begged and pleaded with him, please do not put me back in the hospital, I will do anything I can at home, but please no hospital stay. He was quiet, and said, okay, we will try this and things should improve and come back to see me monthly. Man, was I glad. I did as he instructed and even to now, no improvement. I felt like I did not want to not only go back to a hospital, I did not want to look in the direction of a hospital in my travels, I did not want to watch any hospital scenes on television, which they were my favorite stories. However, not anymore. After almost a four month stay in a hospital will sorta put a bitter taste in your mouth.
My treating physician called my surgeon to discuss my surgery, then he called me early one Saturday morning, he talked to me, afterward, he asked me did I understand, then he told me to proceed with the surgery within the next two to four months. About two months later I called my surgeon to inform him that the next visit would be to discuss future surgery and I would bring a guest, so he could plan his calendar accordingly.
My surgeon came into the room, examined me and did the usual 'stuff' and called in my goddaughter to talk about pending surgery. I continue to sat on the examining table and they sat in chairs. My surgeon acted like he wanted to talk me out of it, and had a grim expression on his face. We asked questions, and explained how serious the surgery was as my body had contacted a blood disease that only one person out of a million gets, and I was that one person. (actually my treating physician had told me this) but my surgeon said you have this clotting disorder, etc. and it's not an ordinary surgery, as we will have to have special material and I have got to find out what kind we will be using, and since you are on coumadin this presents new problems, and further your intestines are leaking...What! is that what this drainage is coming from, a leaking intestine?!?! "yes", was the response. We will fix that also. Now that caused concerns for me as I must have three feet of intestines to live, and I only have two addition feet of intestines and I personally didn't want those to be disturbed. As my oldest daughter puts it, stay way from my mom's intestines!!!!
Looking at the surgeon grim and apprehensive expression, I stood on the examine table and inform the doctor to cheer up, doctor, it shall be well, I am not going to die, it will be alright. At that point he said, all you have going for you is prayer and the fact that you are a tough lady. (From where I've come from that is more than enough). At that point my surgeon, cheered up and explained the surgery to me, and as we were leaving the room, he stated, I don't blame you for going ahead with the surgery. DUH?!?!
Every since this time I have asked people to pray for the surgeon and those assisting him as since that Saturday morning when my treating physician informed me to go ahead with the surgery, I sat on the side of my bed, had a little talk with Jesus, cried and talked and cried. When I finished I had total peace and have had total peace every since. I reminded God that I am his child, and he can do what he want with his own, I was not going to beg to live, and I wasn't going to have a death wish, whatever He wanted I was trusting Him. I always tell my children, when we say we are trusting God, that does not mean that God is going to do what I want him to do, but that God is free to do what he wants to do with me. I have a track record with God, and he can be trusted. He made me, and I know that he can fix me, but even if he doesn't, I know that he is able.
I am happy, as a matter of fact I am excited, to see what God does. At first I wanted to hurry and get it over with, but God spoke to me and said, don't be in a hurry, and no more am I rushing. As I have told many of you, either way I WIN, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. If I live I am going to be bolder, aggressive and fierce in faith and if I go home to be with the Lord,as all of us have that appointment, I will dance on the sea of glass, and I will be ushered in and the Lord himself will wipe all my tears away, and God knows down thru the years I have cried. I am looking forward to either one. There is nothing on this earth that I must stay here for, nothing. Now in talking to my Lord, I did express to him what my wishes are, but he has the final word. I want to stay here with a good quality of life and see Joshua's children, and Tim's children, yes and even Debbie's children. I am enjoying my Honey so much, all the things I learn from him, and all the laughter we share, etc. even then I know that I will see him again as he is a man of faith and he also loves the Lord.
I even had the nerve to explain to God that I just retired, and I have worked so hard for over 40 years, during my adult life, but actually started to work at age nine to purchase items for school, etc. I really want to say it's not fair, as I want to enjoy my life, etc. Nevertheless, I don't belong to myself, I have no deals to make with God as if I stay I will serve him, if I go I am going to praise him.
I really am alright, I am not fearful, I am not apprehensive, I know this and I learned it when I was a child, Yes, Jesus loves me! When things had gotten real urgent in my life, I always went back to basic 'stuff', how basic can you get when you start singing those songs you were taught before you learned your ABC's.
When I recover, Lord's willing, I plan to continue the projects I have started, and live life more abundantly, sharing all the goodness of God, and when I finally leave this earth, I will go home to be with the Lord and live in the suburbs of heaven. As for me, I am looking forward to my children giving me a age 65 birthday party, as I have never had one in all the days of my life. The only big bang I ever had was my retirement party and everyone is still talking about that, and I am still singing those song, Ain't no stopping me now, and I'm coming out...I am also planning on dancing at my son's wedding on August 16th in Baltimore, Md.
Thank you, stay strong, stay focused, and enjoy the journey!!!!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Invitation from Ernestine P. Stewart
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Ernestine P. Stewart
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Friday, March 7, 2008
The Provider, Protector and Head of our Home - My Dad!
I am grateful to my father because of all the things he gave me, i.e. a good sense of work ethics, and chastisement, the word of God, and prayer. Now as a youth I did not appreciate it at all, and actually felt like I was being mistreated. Today, I am so grateful for all the times on Wednesday nights we had to meet in the living room for bible class and prayer. One time I told my dad that I had a babysitting job, and he said cancel it because everyone was going to be present in the living room at 7 p.m. Now how could he hinder me from earning this $2.00 to be in prayer. (In the '50's' $2.00 went a long way).
My dad had long set a rule in his house he had the last word. He did! Although my father proceeded my mother in death, I appreciate all the teaching he gave us, whether it was in the house or in the cotton field. Oh yes, our dad did not send us to the field, he would take us to the field. To add insult to injury he would thumb a ride to the field, and we would thumb a ride back home. I would always pray that nobody would pick us up to go to the field, but prayed when returning home that we would not have to be on the road too long before someone would pick us up. Usually, immediately, someone would stop and give us a ride home. Oh did I tell you that there were five of us?
I hear parent says and I may have said it myself, that I am trying to give my children what I did not have, but in that process I can see and understand that we should give our children some of the things we did have, i.e. work ethics, word of God, etc.
My dad was a southern country preacher where he would go every other Sunday to a different church. One was in Sikeston, Missouri and the other one was Clarksville, Tennessee. He would leave Friday morning and return early Monday morning. No matter when he returned home we were so happy to see him as the food had always ran out and we needed more food. My dad did the grocery shopping. He would bring home big bags of flour, sugar, meal, potatoes, beans etc. but it was mother that mixed it all together and made us delicious meals. Yes, my father was the head of the household, but it was my mother that was the sunshine of our home.
I am grateful today for my father and all he taught me. I can still remember scriptures he shared with me as a child. I am who I am because of where I was when.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
My Oldest Brother - Rev. Louis T. Purham
Often when you watch professional basketball players on television they will give a shout out to their mother; and I have said, where are the fathers? That is why I am giving a shout out to my oldest brother because of the influence he had in my life when I was young.
My dad was a pastor, he traveled to his churches and when he was home he was either praying or reading his bible. He would also conduct family bible study every Wednesday night. At that time I felt it was the worse thing in the world to be in bible class and besides it wasn't cool. What would my friends think of me not being outside playing until the lights came on because I was in bible class. They probably would laugh me to scorn. I was tired of being laughed at because I was different. I was different because we had to live by a different standard than others that went to school because we were preacher kids. Also, there were so many of us, we did not have lots, but what we had was clean. I wanted more. My dad was a disciplinarian. I craved as a youth attention from my dad, but I felt he never had time for me. Yet, one month before he died he came to visit me, as he said the Lord told him to come. I am glad that he did, because when he came I had become a born again Christian and I explained lots of things that were on my heart to my dad. As a matter of fact I hated my dad until we had that talk, then I understood. Today I appreciate those family bible studies and conducted them with my own children. As adults, they appreciate those now, too.
There were questions I had but had no man to ask. I will never forget the day that I was sitting on the back porch looking at the chickens, very sad. My oldest brother, Louis, came out and asked what was I doing, and what was I thinking? He really act concerned and I remembered telling him that I was thinking how I wanted to hurry and grow up so nobody would tell me what to do. I knew what to do at eight years old, so why won't older people leave me alone! My brother was brushing his hair and he took the time to explain to me, that the rest of my life I would have to obey someone body. I would have to obey stop signs, red lights, police, teachers, and when I grew up my husband. He got my attention, and I really heard him. Now I don't remember at that time if I did something about it, but I know ever since I have thought about this and as an adult found out that he told me the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
I also remember when I was about 15 years of age, I cried all the time, I was angry, mean, and was very much a agitator in every sense of the word. I belonged to everything I could in the church because I thought that would help, I taught little children, in the choir, secretary of Sunday School, and always a youth delegate. I talked to Louis about this as I did not like ME. He explained that I needed the divine. When I graduated from high school, went to Chicago, I was looking for "The Divine" and once I became born-again, as God has no grand children, just children, I have become a much happier person and I continue to grow in God.
an
As a result of my attitude back then, later in life I have had problems with authority, I had to test the boundaries, to some degree, as there were some boundaries I did not even think about testing.
I also remember my oldest brother was a gentle, quiet young men, and when I had questions I would go to him and he would tell me the truth. I would ask him personal questions regarding men and things they used, and he explained that to me on my level. I will never forget the time I was sitting on the floor as a little girl and a piece of coal fell out the stove in my pants and I was screaming, he grabbed me and picked me up and the hot coal fell out my pants. There were others around, but somehow he knew what to do. Also, I remember one day my oldest sister hit him on the head with a thick plate and he did not retaliate, he just dabbed the blood from his head and I went to help him. I was so hurt. My mother was going to whip my sister, but he asked her not to. Now that impressed me so deeply. Later, I went and examined the plate and I became angry with my sister, with her bossy self, hitting my brother and that plate was thick. I couldn't tell her how I felt, but I pinned up that anger inside and it was later in my adult life that I forgave my sister.
My oldest brother performed my wedding ceremony to my first husband, Doug, in Chicago, Illinois in 1967, with my second oldest brother and my dad by his side. Oh yes, did I say that all of them were Pastors?
One of the saddest days of my life was the day I awaked in December, 1957 looking for my brother and my mother told me he had gone to Mississippi to get married. I was so hurt because he did not tell me. I wanted all day for him to return. When he did, they came and awaked me and I cried as I told him he should have told me. He introduced me to his wife Mary and I did not want to shake her hand, and she rolled her eyes at me. (Now she probably don't remember this but I do, and as I remember it I smile). At that point the fight was on, she could not treat me like this and marry my brother. I told Louis that she didn't like me, he said yes she does. As a matter of fact she is going to allow you to go with her to pick out her dress for the wedding reception. "Aren't you Mary?" She answered very slowly, yes. Somehow, I did not go, I think I was satisfied that my brother stood up for me to go, and the game was over.
I sent my children to Lane College after I had two in college at one time so he could sorta look out for them, as their father had passed away when they were 11 and 12 years of age. I just wanted them to know they would have their uncle near by. They were very please and happy when he visited the college and spoke in the chapel and he would give them money.
My brother was always there for me in any event that was important to me, and for that I am grateful for having Rev. Louis T. Purham as a brother. Yes, I have other brothers, but none have made the impression on my life is this gentle - man.
Recently when I was ill, I heard that he came, and that did my heart so much good, as I know that he is extremely busy. He is a hands on Pastor and they keep him running, and besides he works very hard doing construction work on his properties. He not only came, but everyone told me about a book he read to me while I was in a coma. The title of the book was Get Out the Boat. (see my blog on what I wrote regarding that subject).
Finally, I remembered while in a coma that I was planning my funeral, and even in my comatose state I remembered saying I want my oldest brother to preach my funeral. I also appreciate that when I retired in 2005, he was right there.
If my sibling want something from my brother, they will come to me, I don't know why, as he is so easy to talk to. I guess they feel that he would not deny me. Well, actually he never has, he has always been there for me.
I am very grateful that he married his wife, Mary, as she has been very kind and patient with me, and I know that she loves me too. She has been his rock and support when nothing else could comfort him as she does, and for that I am extremely grateful to her. She is a wife of noble character...Prov. 31:10 NIV).
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Favor!
Since I have been home I have seen so much favor, not only of the favor thru my children. My oldest daughter, who is very intelligent, and beautiful have me praying for her so very much, to make the right decision, and to allow God to be first in her life. I know that she accepted the Lord but I want to see more fruit. I do not nag, but I pray, ask questions, etc. I learned while I was hospitalized that she read the bible to me, and she wrote an article about me, that she sent to me, and in the article she said, "My mother is the most mature Christian that I know." (or something like that). Now that humbled me. So many people told me how faithful she was in coming, staying in the hospital and reading to me. During this time was a very busy time in the newspaper where she is an Editor and the "go to person." She also, calls me twice a day to see if I am alright.
Then Carletta moved here to Michigan and did an excellent job in paying my bills and she never paid any one late. She even told me that she was determined to be a good steward of all my monies. It was a joy to see her come visit me, and when she could bring Joshua she did and that brought smiles to my face. Juakemo came and he always looked very well, and that was encouraging. Yes, Carletta was a trooper and I will never ever forget how she would bathe me and was my advocate regarding my care. When I came home how she took care of me and she nor her husband ever complained, or acted like they were bothered.
My son came from Baltimore to visit me and everything he told me he was going to do he did it. Now that went over with me greater than a million dollars. He would just come and sit by my bed, talk to me, and he would bring me things that NOBODY else would bring, i.e. a diet coke. One time I asked him to take me for a ride in the wheelchair and to take me on the first floor. I asked him to get permission, but he said, Naw, that's okay, and he took me down to the first floor, and I was able to look outside. If you think that is nothing, then try staying inside for four months and then look outside. That was an awesome day. I appreciate all the things he bought for me to move about the house easier and with the least amount of difficult as possible.
My neighbor upstairs made me home squeezed juice and lots of good food, then other neighbors did the same thing. Some of my neighbors found out I was home and brought cake, and some came, looked at me and cried, saying I am glad that you did not die I even went to the grocery store, eventually and saw a friend that also worked for the government and when she saw me, she just cried, and so did I, then we started laughing and we could not talk. One of my girlfriends prayed and asked God to allow her to come care for me, and she cleaned my house, mopped, cooked, etc. All my neighbors are available to assist me and when I call, they are here.
Some of my neighbors came to just have bible class or we would read inspirational books. Then one day my old Intrigue was parked in front of the house, as my BMW was parked in the garage, and the Intrigue needs some work.
The police came to tow it away. I called Southfield police department told them about the matter and I was told by one of the superiors, that they would come to my house to move my car or they would find out who was going to have it towed and tell them not to touch my car. To this date my car has not been towed.
I go to business establishments and managers says they miss me and they want to give me all kinds of "stuff." I caught the flu and the same sister that got me to the hospital that morning of May 4th, was there to care for me again.
My church brought food over until I asked them to stop. My Pastor told them to come over and clean my house, etc.
I now have a new appreciation for handicap parking spaces, now that I have a sticker, I am so grateful, as on cold days going to church, stores, hospitals and doctor offices I get a place right up front. I am oh so grateful for that.
There are so many thing I can't even remember, but as I think of the word favor I think of kindness, approval, warm regard from a superior, well that is exactly what the Lord has provided for me. I even told my Honey that as a very ill person, he did not have to feel obligated to stay in my life, as he could have the cream of the crop. His response floored me, "Even the cream of the crop has cuddles." I appreciate my Honey so much as my food falls out my mouth when I eat as I do not have feelings in my lips - yet; so I did not want to eat in public, he told me it didn't bother him so we went to breakfast. Every since when he wants to take me out, I go. He run errands for me, takes me to doctors when I could not drive myself, and he comes over and remind me to get my rest daily.
All I can say, who am I that God is so mindful of me; then I think of what the angel said to Mary - the mother of Jesus in Luke 1:28 "...Hail, thou that are highly favored, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women." Who am I that God is so mindful of me?!?
Friday, February 1, 2008
"I'm Sorry" (again) Mayor Kilpatrick!
The Mayor could have come into this position bringing with him some good home training, strong character, integrity and he could have taken a page from my son's book. My son's dad passed away when he was eleven years old, one year younger than the Mayor's twin sons. One day Tim told me, Ma, there are lots of things I could get involved in, but I don't and I won't, because I do not want to hurt my mother. Now that sound like a responsible young man, and I must say a wonderful, productive young man. If the Mayor would consider his mother and even his dad and decide not to hurt them would help him a long way.
The Mayor contradicts many of his statements, as he said he and his wife had worked thru problems long ago, well, if they worked thru it, then why was she is so much pain when she came on television recently? My heart goes out to her.
I understand being a public figure, you can't just get up and leave because you want to, like the typical woman, we don't know what kinds of threats hang over this woman head. I believe she is a wonderful woman, wife, mother and she need our prayers. However, I believe the Mayor knows the right church lingo, as it remind me of the homeless people that stand on the corner with a God 'bless you sign', hoping this will weigh on the hearts of the people to give, give and give.
When the Mayor went to the church to speak, was strategy as the church is still the strongest institution in the Black community. However, when the Mayor was going into the church and the way he shoved the reporters showed that he is not broken.
Now for the Church of God in Christ where he sort haven, is an embarrassment to me personally, as when I was growing up, my dad was a Pastor of this church, and back in the day this church stood on fasting and prayer and they preached holiness. Bishop Mason was a praying man, but I really don't know what the name of this. I believe pastors look at some of the "stuff" they do in private and based on their on conduct they want to embrace unrighteousness. Remember, righteousness exhalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.
Mayor Kilpatrick, come clean or stay away dirty. Go into your private prayer closet and you ask God for forgiveness, and allow your children and wife see you crying out to God, that way you won't have to get on the television saying I'm sorry over and over again. You are indeed an arrogant man, and we all know that power corrupt, but absolute power corrupt absolutely.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Get Out the Boat!
Whereas I am very grateful for all that the Lord has done for me and still doing, I just can't live in a vacuum, or live with fear because something might happen to me. Once when I had come home from the hospital, I was about to take a shower, a friend called and said, don't do nothing if you are alone in the house, not even take a shower because something might happen. Well, that same spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, dwells in us, what do we have to fear? Also, the night I was rushed to the hospital, my sister and brother just happen to be here visiting. I live alone and I am so grateful how God had my siblings in the right place at the right time, because God knows everything. So whether I am here at home or abroad, I'm trusting God to take care of me.
I think of Peter how he walked on water at Jesus' command, but before Peter could walk on water, he had to get out the boat.
That is all I am doing, getting out the boat and trusting God for water walking faith.
Ernestine P. Stewart
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
"MY TURN" is becoming a Reality!
When I retired from Federal employment in October, 2005, my oldest daughter, Debbie, said the theme of my retirement would be, "MY TURN". Now what does that mean...after all this was a time in my life that I had waited for from the first day I started in December, 1965. As a matter of fact I came into the government (SSA) under Medicare Part A & B, and I went out on Part C And D. Now isn't that something?! Anyway, my daughter stated that I had been there for everyone but myself and now it was a time to ME so therefore, it was MY TURN!
After I had retired, I was driving down 8 Mile road in my brand new gift for my retirement, BMW, 325XI series, the car of my dream and my cell phone ranged, and who else was it but one of my children. "Ma, where are you?! We would rather that you go back to work, because at least we could find you then, now we can't find you!" After all, my child, you attended my retirement party and I believe the theme was - My TURN! "Yeah Right", came the retort. Yes, indeed it is my turn! I can go to bed when I please, get up when I please, and eat when and what I desire. What a life! At first I felt guilty with these undisciplined habits, then my Honey reminded me that I am retired, so take no guilt tickets. From then on, when guilt tried to get me because I chose to stay in bed all day and watch Lifetime, I stand firm and remind myself of all the times I went to work and didn't want to go to work, all the times I went to work sick and not feeling well because of a mean boss, etc. and I knew I needed my job for my health. The doctors said it was healthy for me to have a roof over my head, and food to eat, and clothes on my back.
Since I have been here in Tennessee a little over a week I can see that I am getting in the swing of taking care of ME and I am enjoying it. I am not rushing to get to the phone, not getting out of shower for knocks on the door, etc. just taking care of me as best I can, and being as patient as I can be with me. I also know in taking care of myself that I cannot afford a negative thought, at least not for very long, and that I am nobody trash can, if I can't lift another person up, then I can pray for them as that is what I would want someone to do for me.
When I left Michigan coming to Tennessee it was on my mind to be sure to see a former neighbor that lived across the street from my mother. As she had been ill for sometime and she felt well enough to send me a Thanksgivings card saying how both of us has so much to be thankful for. Dornetha Taylor,age 58, raised her siblings after her parents passed away and went on to become principal of the local high school. In addition to that she was my daughter's mentor. My mother treated her family as her own and always remembering them on special occasions, and if my mother did not see them she would call them, etc. We felt like a part of their family. When I would go to Tennessee and work for a few months to care for my mother Dornetha would loan me a warm sweater to wear on those cold days. She even made me the best potato pie I ever had. The last time I saw Dornetha was last year in February, when my Honey spoke at her church for Black History regarding Tuskegee Airmen. She did not look like herself and at that time she wanted to make me a pie. She passed away this week and I did not get an opportunity to see her, as when I called I was informed by her caregiver that she was ill and to call back. Now that I did not see her, I must not beat up myself but strive to be more timely in future events.
I had planned on seeing lots of people while here as I understand the church where I grew up, had me in their bulletin, but it will be a "one stop" occasion as the entire city of Covington will probably be at this funeral and since I plan on being there, they will see that I'm still alive, I could have been dead and gone, but God said live on...I'm so glad to be here!
My oldest sister has been a gracious hostess, as she is a wonderful cook and she insists on cooking daily and we race to do the dishes. She doesn't feel well herself, but she tries to take care of me. I appreciate it, but I prefer that we take care of each other. Being here in her home I actually feel like I am wanted. I don't like staying at people houses more than three days, but with my sister's warm hospitality I feel like I would like to come again. Of course when I get home this time, I plan on being there a while as I am more frail than I want to admit - this is a process of taking care of me!
Gotta go get ready to go to my oldest brother's house before they go to bed, as he is Pastor of a church in Memphis. He thinks he is some father figure to me (I guess) but I think he is a very nice, handsome man that is very kind and gentle. His wife is jealous of our relationship, but that's okay because this feud has been going on since I was about 8 years of age, so we laugh a lot about it, as she is an awesome woman herself.
After I had retired, I was driving down 8 Mile road in my brand new gift for my retirement, BMW, 325XI series, the car of my dream and my cell phone ranged, and who else was it but one of my children. "Ma, where are you?! We would rather that you go back to work, because at least we could find you then, now we can't find you!" After all, my child, you attended my retirement party and I believe the theme was - My TURN! "Yeah Right", came the retort. Yes, indeed it is my turn! I can go to bed when I please, get up when I please, and eat when and what I desire. What a life! At first I felt guilty with these undisciplined habits, then my Honey reminded me that I am retired, so take no guilt tickets. From then on, when guilt tried to get me because I chose to stay in bed all day and watch Lifetime, I stand firm and remind myself of all the times I went to work and didn't want to go to work, all the times I went to work sick and not feeling well because of a mean boss, etc. and I knew I needed my job for my health. The doctors said it was healthy for me to have a roof over my head, and food to eat, and clothes on my back.
Since I have been here in Tennessee a little over a week I can see that I am getting in the swing of taking care of ME and I am enjoying it. I am not rushing to get to the phone, not getting out of shower for knocks on the door, etc. just taking care of me as best I can, and being as patient as I can be with me. I also know in taking care of myself that I cannot afford a negative thought, at least not for very long, and that I am nobody trash can, if I can't lift another person up, then I can pray for them as that is what I would want someone to do for me.
When I left Michigan coming to Tennessee it was on my mind to be sure to see a former neighbor that lived across the street from my mother. As she had been ill for sometime and she felt well enough to send me a Thanksgivings card saying how both of us has so much to be thankful for. Dornetha Taylor,age 58, raised her siblings after her parents passed away and went on to become principal of the local high school. In addition to that she was my daughter's mentor. My mother treated her family as her own and always remembering them on special occasions, and if my mother did not see them she would call them, etc. We felt like a part of their family. When I would go to Tennessee and work for a few months to care for my mother Dornetha would loan me a warm sweater to wear on those cold days. She even made me the best potato pie I ever had. The last time I saw Dornetha was last year in February, when my Honey spoke at her church for Black History regarding Tuskegee Airmen. She did not look like herself and at that time she wanted to make me a pie. She passed away this week and I did not get an opportunity to see her, as when I called I was informed by her caregiver that she was ill and to call back. Now that I did not see her, I must not beat up myself but strive to be more timely in future events.
I had planned on seeing lots of people while here as I understand the church where I grew up, had me in their bulletin, but it will be a "one stop" occasion as the entire city of Covington will probably be at this funeral and since I plan on being there, they will see that I'm still alive, I could have been dead and gone, but God said live on...I'm so glad to be here!
My oldest sister has been a gracious hostess, as she is a wonderful cook and she insists on cooking daily and we race to do the dishes. She doesn't feel well herself, but she tries to take care of me. I appreciate it, but I prefer that we take care of each other. Being here in her home I actually feel like I am wanted. I don't like staying at people houses more than three days, but with my sister's warm hospitality I feel like I would like to come again. Of course when I get home this time, I plan on being there a while as I am more frail than I want to admit - this is a process of taking care of me!
Gotta go get ready to go to my oldest brother's house before they go to bed, as he is Pastor of a church in Memphis. He thinks he is some father figure to me (I guess) but I think he is a very nice, handsome man that is very kind and gentle. His wife is jealous of our relationship, but that's okay because this feud has been going on since I was about 8 years of age, so we laugh a lot about it, as she is an awesome woman herself.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Going Home
Well it's January 3rd and I got up after a phone call from my Honey who is a man that is not only ON TIME, but before time, that I might be ready to leave for airport at 7:30 a.m. I read my scriptures, prayed, ate breakfast and rushed to finish packing those last minute toiletries,etc. I was just about to walk out the door when I received a phone call on my cell asking me was I inside ill or what?! as my Honey was calling as he had been there for a while. (His clock is absolutely fast, but he says mine is slow). He was fussing (not discussing) but fussing, etc. I don't like to make him displeased in any way as I honor him too much; so we had a quiet ride to the airport.We arrived at the airport about 8:00 a.m. as plane was to leave at 9:12 as I was standing in line to get checked in, it came over the speaker "YOU MUST BE ON THE PLANE AT LEAST 20 MINUTES BEFORE PLANE IS SCHEDULED TO LEAVE OR YOU COULD FORFEIT YOUR SEAT." Well, it did not apply to me, so I moved as the line moved. I finally reached the Agent and they checked my bags in. I was scheduled to have assistance and Agent told me where to go for further instructions. When I went to that desk, the lady said, "No way can you make this flight, you are too late, so go schedule a later flight." In my heart I was saying, no way, can my Honey know about this, I've got to make this flight, please God, help me...again! I said again because once when I took Carletta to Oral Roberts University to register, I was on my way to the airport to return home, got lost and was on the wrong toll road, had to return rental car, etc. and a big truck tried to run me over and I prayed all the way asking God to hold up the plane so I could make my flight. I finally did everything I was suppose to do, got to the airport 20 minutes late (this was before 911), and when I got to the gate was informed that my plane would be 30 minutes late. Until this date, I still say that plane was held up for me. Well, once again, God, here I am, I need to get on this plane and you already know all the reasons why. The lady was yelling at me no way you will make it. In my heart it was coming to me, don't be discouraged, don't look at the water, but keep your eyes on Jesus and thank God for everything. That's exactly what I did. I did get back in the line and finally got to the front, was told by the Agent, you are not too late, etc. she called the gate and told them I was on my way, etc.
No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!
Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.
That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound. ",
No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound.
Today my oldest sister and I had breakfast together and we had good fellowship, as she is not feeling well so we take care of each other. My sister in law, Mary (Louis' wife) made me breakfast and we had a good time. (I think she is getting over the fact that I love my brother so very much and she is willing to share him). Of course we laugh about it.
Upon returning to Michigan I plan on being still for a while and just enjoy my Honey, and enjoy the present as I have been thinking that I can't enjoy the present if I am living in the past or the future. If I am dwelling there then I am not enjoying the present. I have so much to be grateful for, right here, right now. I've got to get busy living in the present as it is really a gift.
No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!
Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.
That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound. ",
No wheelchair came, so I decided to walk, now on this day I had no pain or discomfort in my body at all, I walked what seemed like 10 miles, up and down steps, etc. to gate 33. I got there within 15 minute (not 20) minutes before the plane was to leave. No agent was at desk, and everyone was seated. I stood there until agent returned to desk. Upon her arrival she told certain class to board, then she asked if I was suppose to go on this plane, I said yes, I am the one that was suppose to come in a wheelchair but none were available so I just got here. She held the line up, and told everyone to stop and for me to be the first one on the plane. I was extremely happy, but felt very strange, the first time in my whole life was the first one on the plane. Yet, I was indeed grateful. (Thank you God)!Just before we arrived in Memphis where my oldest brother would pick me up (with his busy self) the thought hit me that this trip would be different than any trip I have ever made returning home. Why was it so different, it was different because I would not see my mother. Later I told my brother how I felt, he told me he understood and he had gone by the house once and had no further desire to go by there. He asked if I wanted to go and of course I did, but I didn't want to ask. There was a young lady living there and I asked if I could come in to visit my mother's room. She identified me, and said yes. I went to my mom's room which was filled with things stored away and asked if I could return later.That night I was so sad, and felt in my heart that I never want to return to Tennessee again, as things are not the same without mother. I called one of my birthday sisters and we talked and I felt better, much better as we laughed before we got off the phone. Thank God that you can have people in your life that you can be real with. Later when my Honey called I shared it with him, and he is so compassionate, understanding, and patient and just listens to me and that is just like balm to a wound.
Today my oldest sister and I had breakfast together and we had good fellowship, as she is not feeling well so we take care of each other. My sister in law, Mary (Louis' wife) made me breakfast and we had a good time. (I think she is getting over the fact that I love my brother so very much and she is willing to share him). Of course we laugh about it.
Upon returning to Michigan I plan on being still for a while and just enjoy my Honey, and enjoy the present as I have been thinking that I can't enjoy the present if I am living in the past or the future. If I am dwelling there then I am not enjoying the present. I have so much to be grateful for, right here, right now. I've got to get busy living in the present as it is really a gift.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My Christmas
Two weeks before Christmas I went to Chicago to visit Deborah, my oldest daughter, as I knew as her boss' assistant at Chicago Suntimes she would not be off for the Holiday. My friend, Karen Black went with me and we had a ball. We stayed at the Hyatt as I had stayed there before as it is not too far from downtown, at McCormick Place, and the scenery is so beautiful. We had a wonderful time, as it was the very first trip I have taken since being out the hospital. We went by train and it was delightful ride as we had all our good reading material which we shared with each other. Once arriving in Chicago we went shopping. Of course Karen could shop longer than myself as I became very tired but she made sure I was placed in a cab and I returned to the hotel. My nieces, daughter, siblings, and sister in law came by and brought food and we just enjoyed each other. I did not want to go out for Dinner as Deborah has gotten a few of her friends together for a delicious breakfast at Sweet Maples. We had a great time there and the food was out of this world.The birthday girls, Lodean Macklin, Diane Esper, Karen Black, and Annie Neal, and yours truly got together as we have not gotten together since all of us retired (except Diane). Lodean had remodeled her house and everything was absolutely beautiful. She served us like we were queens. We laughed, cried and prayed together. Later Jennifer came down and snapped photos of us, which we appreciate so much.
Lodean cook the entire six course meal with fine wine (which I had some over ice cream). We had wonderful Christmas music and we left before 9:30 because I had to leave the next morning going to Baltimore. This was the first trip I made alone. Tim met me at the gate with a wheelchair, rolled me to the car and it was absolutely great; except I did feel a little weird in a wheel chair. (Oh well)! While I was there I hardly lifted a finger as Tasha took me shopping, Naquawn was very nice to me and shared with me. Tim washed and ironed my clothes and packed my luggage. I really appreciate that he allowed me to move at my own pace, without any demands. Oh yes, they showered me with so many gifts.
Tasha family came over and it was wonderful seeing them again, and we had a lovely home cooked meal by Tasha and her family. Most everyone read my Christmas letter and said it was an inspiration and that was good as that was my intent. Such a loving, warm, down to earth family. I told them I would return in April. I returned home on Christmas Day and that night came down with a very bad cold, so I stayed in the house for a few days as I must prepare to go to Tennessee the following week.
My Honey and I shared Christmas gifts and everything I got him he either needed it or wanted it, and it was nothing he had to put together.( I love to see him smile so it gives me great joy to surprise him with his favorite book, music, game, gift certificate etc.) Since I could not go with him to Christmas dinner, he brought me food from Carol and Mark's house (his son) and we had enough food for two days. I just love my gift from my honey as it was an American Express credit card.
Lodean cook the entire six course meal with fine wine (which I had some over ice cream). We had wonderful Christmas music and we left before 9:30 because I had to leave the next morning going to Baltimore. This was the first trip I made alone. Tim met me at the gate with a wheelchair, rolled me to the car and it was absolutely great; except I did feel a little weird in a wheel chair. (Oh well)! While I was there I hardly lifted a finger as Tasha took me shopping, Naquawn was very nice to me and shared with me. Tim washed and ironed my clothes and packed my luggage. I really appreciate that he allowed me to move at my own pace, without any demands. Oh yes, they showered me with so many gifts.
Tasha family came over and it was wonderful seeing them again, and we had a lovely home cooked meal by Tasha and her family. Most everyone read my Christmas letter and said it was an inspiration and that was good as that was my intent. Such a loving, warm, down to earth family. I told them I would return in April. I returned home on Christmas Day and that night came down with a very bad cold, so I stayed in the house for a few days as I must prepare to go to Tennessee the following week.
My Honey and I shared Christmas gifts and everything I got him he either needed it or wanted it, and it was nothing he had to put together.( I love to see him smile so it gives me great joy to surprise him with his favorite book, music, game, gift certificate etc.) Since I could not go with him to Christmas dinner, he brought me food from Carol and Mark's house (his son) and we had enough food for two days. I just love my gift from my honey as it was an American Express credit card.
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