Well, it’s that time again, a time to send and receive those long annual letters where we have to use the same approach that you would use to eat an elephant, a bite at a time. I am often teased about how long my letters are, but it’s okay because I want my friends and love ones that I haven’t seen or heard from in a long, long time to know what’s going on, further, I want to share the goodness of God and want to hear about all the good things that are going on in your life. Every year at the beginning we wish each other a Happy New Year, but if we could see as God sees what our future holds, we might not want to face the future. Nevertheless, we either face the future or think of the alternative.
One thing for sure no matter what my future holds, I know WHO holds my future, and He that holds my future holds my hands; and my Heavenly Father never gives me any trial or test designed for me to fail. I KNOW for sure, Yes, Jesus Loves me…In 2007 he showed me over and over again.
February 2007 my mother passed away and the day before I was at a friend’s mother’s funeral and had an outer body experience shortly after I returned to my seat, so I got up to leave, and called my daughter in Indiana, to explain what was happening to me, later I learned that at that moment my Mother was dying in Tennessee.
In May 2007 very early in the morning while my sister and brother were visiting from Chicago, they had to call 911 to rush me to the hospital, and I was discharged August 26, 2007. I don’t remember most of this time as I have been informed that I was in a coma like state for about three months. During that time all my organs shut down except my heart. We are born with over 20 feet of intestines and they had to remove all but five feet. We must have three feet to live. I had five surgeries in one week and they called my family in to see if they wanted them to take me off the respirator so I could die within 45 minutes or so. I understand that my daughter came to me and asked me if I wanted to live or die and go home and be with the Lord, she said I said I wanted to live. She went to the doctors and told them, my Mom is not dying, she is going to live. Please do everything you can do to keep her here, and we will do what we need to do. Further, make her room lighter and brighter, put some familiar pictures around her, and whatever we can put in her room to make it beautiful and light let us do it. She also got permission to sit me up in a chair and move me close to a window.
Now I don’t know why I said I wanted to live, because while I was in that state I was trying to make deals with God, to please take me home and be with him as I just could not live like this, being dependent upon others for assistance, can’t talk or eat without being on a feeding tube, etc. I not only couldn’t live like this but I didn’t want to live like this. I heard God say, “You will live and not die…” I said, oh no please God, let me die, let me die! God said, “just say what I say.” I could see that my days were depressing, and my nights were sleepless, and I needed to change, so what should I do? God told me to agree with Him. I said, Okay God, you want me to live, I will live! From that day forth I started getting better.
During that time I could only move if someone else moved me, they moved me often, and I had no bed sores. They had told my family that I would be on a feeding tube for the rest of my life and I probably wouldn’t have good sense. I am thankful that before I left the hospital I changed my attitude, I was more focused on the goodness of God and I would awake now saying, Good morning God, instead of saying, Good God, it’s morning! As I thanked and praised God I got better and better. When I left the hospital in August I left the feeding tube and was determined to come home and cook some cabbage, cornbread, etc. However, I wasn’t able to do that. However, my neighbor, cooked me food, then another one brought food and my “Cuz” always prepared food for me, and some of my neighbors made cakes or other desserts for me. Yes, I eventually ate all of them.
I can say, that I am so grateful for my children, sibling, friends, former co-workers and especially my church family and of course my wonderful Honey. My Honey stood/sat right by my side while I was in a deep sleep (I am told) and would come to visit me and sat for hours until I returned from Rehab. What a man, what a man! Since I have been home, he makes me laugh all the time, he stimulates me emotionally as well as intellectually and encourages me to get plenty of rest. He drives me to the doctor and Rehab appointments until I could drive myself, and now that I can drive, and the weather is bad, he will drive me. I don’t want to burn him out, so I do as much as I possibly can for myself. He assists me up when I sit in low places and one night all my pills wasted on the floor, I was bending over to pick them up, and he said, No, I will get them. He got on his knees and picked them up. Wow, what manner of love is this?
My church family came to the hospital and prayed for me, visited me, lots of them sang to me and prayed. Some visited but did not disturb me while I was asleep and often they would leave gifts of some kind. My church family brought me food up until the time I could cook for myself and my Pastor told the congregation to come over to wash dishes, vacuum the floor, etc. For all these I am grateful.
The hospital staff told me that I had more visitors than anyone they knew and on one occasion over 35 persons were in the waiting room and I understand on one occasion they were at the hospital looking all gloomy and down, and my Pastor came in and asked what’s going on? They told him, he prayed and everyone said the entire atmosphere changed.
My doctors said I am a miracle and it was the prayers that got me through as they did not know what to do in the end – as a matter of fact they said I defied science.
I met some of the kindest, wonderful people while in the hospital at Beaumont and during my Rehabilitation period that I never would have had the opportunity in meeting unless this illness. I am very grateful for every doctor, nurse, hospital staff member, aides, and even cleaning ladies as often they told me how much love they had observed given to me. Never in my life have I seen or experienced so much love.
In the big scheme of things, I can say I have had a very blessed year and I know that my future is bright, as I saw heaven, it was bright and light, and music was playing on instruments that I had never seen or heard before. There was a fountain that flowed night and day. I wanted some water but had nothing to get it with, so an angel appeared with something that looked like a gourd dipper. The water was clear and taste like nothing I have ever experienced.. The fruit on the trees was big enough that six people had to eat of one fruit. People were kneeling around the altar of God, God was there, but I never saw his face. I kneeled down, but I wanted to see what was in the other rooms, I did not see. I saw people of all nationalities.
I told God I could stay and whatever I had on this earth they could just divide it up because none of it was worth what heaven was all about. Forget about my 401, my BMW, my condo, and anything else. I sensed that in the fullness of time this was what I had waiting for me. So let me work while it is day and fulfill my purpose here on the earth, and I promise you, I will never stop talking about this experience.
Thank all of you for your time, love, prayers, gifts, money, food, balloons, and flowers. Thank my children for sticking together and calling me daily to see if I needed anything or share what they had to encourage each other that the load would not be too heavy for any one person.
I especially appreciate how the Body of Christ, of all denominations, heard of my illness and came with well wishes and prayers. Someone asked me if I had asked God why this happened to me, well, no, but why shouldn’t this happen to me, shall I receive the good at God’s hands and not receive the other side of the coin? If we are to comfort others with the comfort he has comforted us with, how can I if I never go thru anything? I KNOW that I was born to be a encourager, as an encourager you have to have challenges so you can have something to encourage others with. I was encouraged during this time by the faithfulness of God to me in the past. Whether I lived or died, I wanted God to be glorified.
As the Psalms says, Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou are with me…That’s exactly what happened to me, I KNEW the Lord was with me and that was all that really mattered to me.
I am looking to 2008 with great anticipation, as I learned in 2007 lots of things really doesn’t matter. There is no need to major in minors, and in retrospect all of this “stuff” is minor. God has some great things in store for his children, so stay strong, and focused and enjoy the journey, to thy own self, be true.
This letter is not about religion, as I am NOT religious, it all about a lifestyle.
Extremely Grateful,
Ernestine P. Stewart
